Advice and support for primary school teachers
Normal reactions to a traumatic event
Following any distressing event it is quite normal to experience a range of reactions. Each person will respond in her/his own way. Students may show some of the following:
- Not being able to concentrate or want to do school work or make decisions
- Avoiding places, people or objects which remind them of the incident
- Physical effects such as feeling unwell, headaches, listlessness or over activity
- Nightmares, irritability
- Feelings of guilt and/or responsibility
- Difficulty in accepting the events of how they have been affected by them e.g. appearing over brave
- Changes in personality e.g. feeling depressed or isolated, becoming irritable or angry
- Needing to go over and over the incident which can test the patience of those closest
- Seeing or hearing the person who has died.
These reactions are all common responses and are usually short-lived, e.g. Up to four weeks. The majority of people will get over the experience with the support of family, friends and school
How to help your pupils
A traumatic event often leaves people feeling confused and unsettled, it is therefore very important to consider the following strategies:
- Listen to and try to understand your pupil’s views of the event
- Give attention, reassurance and say things simply
- Allow pupils to talk about the event and express feelings – give reassurance and permission to feel upset
- Check children’s understanding of the event
- Answer pupil’s questions as truthfully as possible
- Maintain daily routines both at home and at school
- Encourage healthy eating, exercise and rest
- Encourage resumption of social activities e.g. clubs
- Let children know that their reactions are as might be expected
- It can help to recall happy memories
Understanding a grieving child
Children aged 5-9:
- Are beginning to understand that death is permanent
- Can differentiate between living and non-living
- Believe death only happens to others
- Can be outspoken and ask direct questions
- May be curious and confused
- May talk of wanting to die and join the other person in heaven
- Might display 'magical thinking' i.e. they caused the death
- Can feel 'different' to peers
- Perceive death and something spooky, scary or fascinating
- Could have strong feelings about loss but lack vocabulary to express these
- May experience separation anxiety (temporarily)
Whilst children aged 9-11 may experience some of the above, they may also:
- Fear other losses
- Feel a need to participate in rituals
- Feel that they need to be brave and not upset their parent(s)
- Have intense reactions
Useful books to read
Durant, A. (2004). Always and Forever. London: Picture Corgi.
Gilbert, I. (2010). The Little Book of Bereavement for Schools. London: Crown publishing Ltd.
Ironside, V. (1996). The Huge Bag of Worries. London: Hodder.
Stokes, J. & Crossley, D. (2008). A Child’s Grief: Supporting a child when someone in their family has died. Winston's Wish.