Back to School Tips for Parent Carers

“Starting a new school in September can be quite daunting for some of our children and young people.  Here are a few hints and tips to help you support them over the summer.

Talk about the new school, make it a normal part of your conversation.  I remember when my children were starting at primary school, we would comment each time we walked or drove past - anything from a comment as simple as, "oh look there is school" to a conversation about the taster day that they went on.  If there are children going with them from their nursery of playgroup, can you fit in any opportunities to meet with them over the summer and help maintain those friend connections? 

I found our local year group on Facebook a huge help in getting to know other families, check if there is one already set up for your child's school and consider joining.  It can be a great way of keeping on top of things like school photo day or which PE kit is needed when - I often lost track of who needed to be where, with what, and when!  When we moved up to secondary as parents we already had links and could arrange to meet at the gate on the first day or call on each other when a lift was needed.

School uniform can be a big change too.  Not just heading into primary with uniform for the first time in many cases but the shift to secondary school with the move to shirt and tie with a blazer can be a real challenge to some of our young people.  Getting a child or young person to even try on a uniform can be a significant step forward.  Consider laying out the uniform so that the child or young person can explore the feel of new fabrics.  Once you're sure it fits consider removing any labels which might irritate.  One of my children couldn't bring themselves to go near their uniform all summer! Practically, are the buttons in the right place on the cuffs? I spent many an hour removing buttons from polo shirts for one of my children who had a button phobia and adding elastic to the buttons of cuffs for my other child who was dyspraxic to make it easier to get shirts on and off.  Consider asking for reasonable adjustments around uniform as soon as you can.  A tie can be modified so that it is a clip on - I sent three off one summer holiday in the sure and certain knowledge that at least one would have been lost by half term!!  Don't forget to label, label, label - especially if you have gone to the trouble of modifying clothing to suit your child.  There is a wider range of accessible uniform available now which can help massively but do check with your school that they will allow it.  My son's school were surprised by the clip-on ties but open to agreeing the reasonable adjustment. 

Taster days - many of which happen before the summer can be a great way of getting to know a school.  Some secondary schools offer additional days during the holiday, and I would encourage you to take advantage of them if you are offered the opportunity.  A few days in a new setting while its quiet can build confidence in our young people.  It was a game changer for mine and made that 'First Day' much less daunting.

Get to know the staff at your child's new school.  Building those relationships early can be vital to our children and young peoples success.  I read recently in "Championing Your Autistic Teen at Secondary School" the cocktail party analogy - never been to one myself but - here goes.  When you're introduced to someone new it doesn't help any of us to list out all their faults - who wants to get to know someone who brings that much negativity with them?  What is your child or young person good at?  What makes their face light up?  Share that!  For one of mine it's computers and coding and whilst that doesn't light up my world it does like up theirs, it's helped them find their place and by sharing that with his school it's helped them relate to him.  

If your young person is heading into secondary school, they may well use School Passports, usually a quick reference guide to each child noting any educational needs that they might have with any reasonable adjustments that have been agreed.  As a parent you can add information to that passport, and it can be a really helpful way of putting over some of the amazing things that make your young person stand out.  Schools can also offer adjustments in the form of cards that allow a young person to leave class a few minutes early to avoid the busy corridors, get to the lunch hall while it's quiet, or get to the school bus before the playground gets too noisy.  Do ask your school how they can help your young person get the best start.

So that's a bit about what we and school might do but how can we help our child or young person?  If they are easily overwhelmed by noise, do they know it's ok to wear ear defenders in class (as an agreed reasonable adjustment).  Helping them identify what the triggers are and offering solutions before those things happen can help empower our young people as they navigate new situations.  We spent a lot of time exploring how anxiety felt in our body and how very similar it is to excitement - we're still working on it but one of the things that really helped was watching lightning!  My youngest was terrified of thunder and lightning and would come running if there was a storm in the night.  I would open my curtains wide so that we could watch together, and I would ooh and ah whenever there was a loud crash or streak of light.  How does that fit with anxiety and school I hear you ask?  Well, it gave us a basis for a conversation.  We could talk about how we felt in our mind and our body when we were in the middle of a storm and how we came to understand that it would pass.  If that doesn't work for you there are some great things we can teach our children like using the hand to help us, we shared recently how to use our hand to remind us that our five senses can help ground us when we feel anxious.

Finally, as parents we can be worried about how this might go.  I know, I worried too.  If you need a listening ear as the new term starts keep an eye on the Parent Carer Forums social media pages and pop along to one of our Listen to Me meet ups.  You can be sure of a hot cuppa and a listening ear.    Don't forget that SENDIASS are there for you too.  They offer free impartial advice on all things SEN related.  Here's to the next chapter for our children and young people!”

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