The power of someone stepping up

At 19 years old, Jane* is preparing for her next big adventure: university. This autumn, she will begin studying Vet Nursing and Animal Behaviour, building on a Distinction* qualification in Animal Management, a driving licence gained at the first attempt, and a future full of possibilities.

But her story could have looked very different.

Before finding stability, Jane experienced a childhood marked by uncertainty. Known to social care from birth, she moved through around 18 placements, including foster care and an adoption that later broke down. By the age of eight, her future seemed likely to involve another move and potentially a children's home. Instead, someone stepped up.

That person was Louise* - Jane’s headteacher.

An unusual beginning

Louise first knew Jane as a pupil. "I was talking about this amazing child that I had at school," Louise recalls. "She was fabulous and wonderful and had so much potential. She could be anything she wanted to be."

When Jane’s foster placement began to break down, Louise found herself unable to stop thinking about what might happen next. "I just couldn't let go of the thought that this child deserved better opportunities than the trajectory she was heading towards."

Louise and her husband Josh* approached Children's Services and offered to become Jane’s carers. Initially, they were told no. But Louise persisted. "I'm a pretty determined person. I wrote to the Head of Children's Services and asked for really good reasons why we shouldn't be assessed."

Eventually, the assessment went ahead. After months of checks, training and visits, Jane moved in with Louise, Josh and their son when she was eight years old. Looking back, Josh says he believes they were simply meant to find each other.

Learning to trust

The move was not a fairy-tale ending. In many ways, it was the beginning of the hardest part of the journey. After years of instability, safety itself felt frightening. "The stability was the scariest part," says Jane. "I wasn't used to that."

She admits she tested the relationship repeatedly. "I made lots of attempts to push them away. And it never worked. I think that freaked me out the most because it felt like somebody actually cared about me."

For Louise and Josh, those early years required patience, persistence and a deep understanding of trauma. "You have to hold your nerve," Louise says. "The underlying message has to stay the same: we love you, we've got you, you're staying here, you're part of our family."

Progress did not happen overnight. "You don't just wave a magic wand and everything is okay," Louise explains. "Repeated positive experiences are what make the difference."

Becoming family

The family made a conscious decision from day one that Jane would not be treated as separate. "She's our daughter," Louise says simply. "And that's it." Jane became part of a large support network that included grandparents, aunts, cousins, family friends and neighbours. Louise's mother became "Granny", who Jane now proudly describes as her best friend.

One memory still stands out. "I remember Auntie Grace* made me a box of cupcakes when I first came that said, 'Welcome to the family'," says Jane. "I still have the lid from the box." It was these moments, big and small, that helped build a sense of belonging. Family birthdays. Holidays. Funerals. Homework arguments. Shared meals. Not special treatment. Normal family life.

Finding her voice

When Jane was 12, Louise and Josh applied for a Special Guardianship Order (SGO) to give her greater permanence and security. This time, Jane spoke for herself. She wrote a letter to the court explaining that she wanted the family to be her permanent home. She also requested a change of surname and expressed her wish not to have contact with her birth parents. The court listened and the SGO was granted.

"We had a big party afterwards," Louise says. For Jane, it represented something even more significant. "I think I fully started trusting them around then."

Defying expectations

Many people expected Jane's early trauma to define her future. Louise and Josh refused to accept that.

One professional suggested the impact of Jane's experiences would be largely fixed. "I fundamentally disagreed," Louise says. "I couldn't subscribe to the idea that Jane's outcome for life was determined at the age of eight." Together, they focused on helping Jane learn things many children acquire much earlier – emotional regulation, self-belief and trust. Today, the results speak for themselves. "I don't bite people anymore," Jane jokes.

Behind the humour lies years of hard work. She learned how to regulate overwhelming emotions, advocate for herself and challenge assumptions others made about her. At college, she successfully argued for the removal of her EHCP because it no longer reflected who she was. "I know how to seek support if I need it," she told professionals. "I know how to regulate my emotions. I'm no different to any other teenager."

Looking ahead

After deciding sixth form was not the right path for her, Jane switched to College to study Animal Management – a decision that reflected a growing confidence in making her own choices. She graduated with top grades and has now secured a place at University. For Louise, these milestones mean far more than qualifications. "She's got herself a job. She can drive. She's willing to put herself at risk of failure and cope with it. That's huge."

For Jane, university represents a future she once struggled to imagine. "It's a bit scary," she admits. “But I’m ready and I have my family behind me. They love me and I know I have a great support system.”

A message to others

If Jane could speak to another young person moving in with kinship carers, her advice would be simple:

"Trust yourself and know that even if you're not in a good place right now, there will always be someone out there for you. Someone who will care about you and love you. It's just a matter of waiting, believing in yourself and not giving up."

Louise has a message for carers too:

"If you believe this is right for the child and your family, hold on to that belief. Create a support network. Hold your nerve. The rewards are incredible."

Jane's story is a powerful reminder that kinship care is about more than providing a home. It is about providing belonging, stability and people who refuse to give up.

Eleven years ago, a determined headteacher stepped forward for a child she believed in. Today, that child is heading to university, pursuing her dream career and looking forward to a future full of possibility.

Sometimes, the biggest difference begins with someone simply saying: "We'll be here. We're not going anywhere."

*For anonymity purposes, the names in this article have been changed.