Pam and Pete

What encouraged you to foster?
We first thought about fostering when we were in our twenties. We had a friend who fostered two boys and they would come and stay with us, so I saw first hand what it involved and how rewarding it can be to see children start to thrive when they are given the right support.

What experience did you have with children before you started fostering?
We had our own family and when my girls went to university, the house was so quiet and empty! We were so used to having a house full with our daughters and their friends. Living in a rural area meant we were always picking our children up at night from various events and activities, so often collected everyone else’s children as well and they would usually stay over.

Why did you decide on short break fostering?
I was running my own business at the time and although we were still keen to foster, I couldn’t see how we could do this successfully full time, when I was spending so much time at work. When I found out about short break fostering I realised I would be able to foster as well as work and that’s what spurred me on to start.

One of our first placements was a nine-month old and a three year old. They were in the care of their Dad who initially needed some support. Eventually he was able to care for his children full time but he’s never forgotten the help he received and remains a great friend. The children went on to university and still visit us regularly and we are really proud of them.

I enjoyed fostering so much that I did a degree in health and social care through the Open University when I was 50. It helped me a lot with understanding behaviours.

What qualities do you think you need to be a short break foster carer?
You need to be able to set the time aside for the children when they are with you. We make a conscious effort to do this on the weekends we do the short breaks and try to do something fun with them. Giving your time can really make a difference.

It’s also good to have a clear routine, so the children know what to expect when they stay with you. It might be different to their normal routine but it should be based around what they enjoy. For example, the children we currently have like Pete to make them a bacon sandwich for breakfast on a Saturday and Sunday morning. They also have an evening routine where they shower, get to watch a cartoon, have hot milk and then I read them a story. Good routine and boundaries make them feel secure.

Having understanding is really important – being able to separate the behaviour from the child. You need to be able to step back and try to see where they are coming from when they are upset or angry.

You also need to enjoy caring for, supporting and showing warmth to other people’s children. We always enjoyed having a house full of children before we fostered, so this really helped.

What have you learned over your years of fostering?
Assume nothing! Very often situations surrounding the children change after they have been with you for a while and are not always as described in the initial profile you receive before you take them on. We have had children who have behaved far better than initially described once they are in a settled environment.

What have you enjoyed most about fostering?
To me, it’s the small changes in behaviour that make fostering so rewarding. For example, one of the children we cared for was quite aggressive and was unable to show concern or empathy for anyone when he first started staying with us. Over four years we watched him change into a caring young man. The first time he showed empathy and concern for a member of his family was very rewarding to see and made us feel something really good had happened.